WOMENNNN

Its true that I often think damn these child bearing hips and the once a month visit from Aunt Flo.  I curse societies standards of what a woman should be and loathe the pressures I internalize to be thinner, prettier, more stylish.  Growing up I thought life would be easier if I were a boy...I guess sometimes I still think that...like when my voice is not heard or I'm looked at as a bitch for having an opinion.  

Don't get me wrong I'm no man hater and in the end, I am proud to be a woman.  Its great...I get to wear dresses and put on makeup...I am athletic, climb mountains for a living and enjoy whiskey neat (I refuse to think these things make me a tomboy...I am simply a more well-rounded woman)...I am intelligent and I am lucky enough to be growing up in a time when women have or are continuing to achieve as many rights as men.  AND, eventually, I will get to grow a little person in my tummy and then bring it in to the world.  Sounds sorta gross right now and I have absolutely no plans for this in the near future, but hey I do believe its quite the blessing.  

Sometimes I wonder if I'll find a nice boy who can keep up with me...I suppose that I am beginning to have more faith.  Beginning to believe that happiness can not be based on a man or anyone other than myself...that beauty comes from within.  Eventually, I will find someone truly worthy of my attention.

Anyway, its a beautiful thing...being a woman.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by intelligent and beautiful friends.  Often, I am in awe of my friends and feel lucky to have such people in my life.  Sometime ago, I began referring to each of my friends as "woman."  "Woman" this and "woman" that.  When Meredith called me the other day she said, "Hi Woman, this is Woman."  I loved it.  It reminds me that I am a woman and that I'm wonderful and powerful and everything else a woman is blessed enough to be if she lives to the fullest.  

So here is my tribute to the women in my life...my closest friends.  Those that remind me what it means to be truly beautiful, to be unique, that its great to be all different sizes and shapes, and to be strong in challenging times.  Here is a little love for those who have picked me up when I'm down, laughed, cried, appreciated these type of cheesy gestures, stopped me from wishing I were a boy and to those who will share a bottle of Beam with me any old day...in honor of our womanhood of course.

Cheers to being a WOMAN...

One of my Favs

This was written by Meredith's best friend Shannon.  I've never met Shannon, but I have heard a lot about her via Ms. Irby.  I just love this blog entry.  I love it so much that I often pass it on to others especially the young girls I work with that suffer from incredibly low self-confidence surrounding the male species.  I hope that I am not stepping on any toes or breaking any rules by passing this on and posting it on my own blog.  Like I said, I just love this piece and believe every word of it...

Enjoy and thank you Shannon...

im so glad i have his love eggs.

whilst single, i invented a theory that has been well received by the general public entitled "pedaling." the theory behind pedaling is that instead of investing all of your love eggs into one crush basket, you get to know lots of people before making decisions like that. if that sounds like chinese to you, the point of the theory is that you should not invest in someone until they invest in you, and prematurely fall in love. instead you should pedal los of men and get to know them all better, until someone pedals back in your direction, and that is when you slowly start putting your love eggs one by one in their basket.

pedaling also means you are taking action, control of your life, instead of waiting around for some doinkhead boy to look in your direction. instead of waiting for a man to ask you out or falling more madly in love with that cute boy in your class every day even though he has never done anything for you and you have no reason to like him or think he would treat your love eggs kindly, you decide that you are in control of your life and you pedal, pedal, pedal. this means you flirt, you attend social gatherings by the dozens, you text many men, you get to to know lots of people, you have an open mind. it may sound like you are treating peoples emotions callously. this is not true. pedaling just allows you to see all the fishes in the sea, and not get treated badly by people who wont be careful with your tender heart. it is a screening process. it helps you get to know and get along with lots of different types of people. it helps you protect your love eggs until you know someone is not going to make an omelet out of them.

i would like to cite a success story from pedaling: my own. yes, it is true. i pedal pedal pedaled my way into nicholas cottrells heart, and yes, i asked him out first. i had just broken up with a bad bad boyfriend that i usually refer to as voldemort and was feeling low on self esteem and life. it was during this time that i created my POA, my plan of action. i had woken up a few days in a row feeling like life looked like a huge cloud of grey nothingness, so i decided instead of letting life and crazy ex-boyfriends control me, i was going to control my life. i decided i would do certain things everyday to love myself, like positive self talk, pray, force myself to go out when i really just felt like soaking my pillow with tears, and other things, and then i signed it with blood. ok, not with blood, just with red pen, but i was fully committed to my POA. pedaling was born in response to the POA, as i realized part of my past mistakes in dating came from my early emotional commitment before fully checking into if the boy i was dating was a crazy lunatic or not. i decided i needed to get to know several men and not emotionally commit to just one so early on, and wait until i found someone that knew the fragility of love eggs. i decided in order to do this i had to learn how to pedal. so i did. i tried not to give out my tender heart too fast. i tried to pedal in many directions. i tried to get to know people and not give out my love eggs to people that would just throw them around. i decided to love myself.

as part of pedaling i asked out nicholas cottrell. such a bold faced move you say. it was bold. but since i had not already emotionally committed, i didnt really care if he said no or thought i was in l.o.v.e. with him, because i was just seeing what was out there, and i didnt care what he thought. (he did, by the way think i loved him). (but i dont care). thank you pedaling, because nicholas cottrell is not the sort of boy i would normally date, and if i had not decided to open my eyes and broaden my horizon and just get to know people, i would have never given nicholas a real chance in my heart. he was not my type: he was not emotionally crazy, extremely weird and/or quirky, and a societal misfit. in fact, he was very very normal. but i pedaled toward him, loving myself along the way and remembering i was great so i didnt care if he didnt like me.

the rest is a long story that doesnt need to be published on the internet. it culminated in november 29,2008, when i officially stopped pedaling for time and all eternity. now normal nicholas and i live in the same house, play speed scrabble, take pictures of ourselves on my macbook to see who can get the most double chins, decide which celebrities are indie and which are bros, cry together whilst watching blood diamond, pledge to be real grownups and then eat spaghetti noodles with butter for dinner, read 4th grade civil war novels out loud in bed, and protect each other's love eggs with everything we have.

the point of my story is this: i dont think love is just something that happens magically one day. i dont think it happens magically any day. in my case, i had to take control of my life and do something. instead of sitting around and waiting, i went out and acted. it made me feel like i was in charge. the boss of my own life. this is applicable to all things i think, and i try to apply it a lot in life. victims dont get what they want. pedalers do. i had to stop giving my tender heart to creeps. i had to learn to love and respect myself, and i had to learn that it is okay to wait a bit before you give someone your love eggs. you have to make sure they deserve them. i learned that love is not when your heart skips a bit because the hott boy in your anthropology class sits next to you, or even when a boy write you a bomb.com poem that melts your heart. real love, at least in my experience, is when someone treats your love eggs with reverence and awe, cupping them in gentle hands, protecting them with everything they have because they know how fragile and beautiful those love eggs really are.

 

so if you are still out there and single and tend to date people that are l.o.s.e.r.s. like i did, i recommend pedaling. just try it. pedal pedal pedal your brains out. get to know people you wouldnt. dont invest love eggs just yet. be open minded. protect your heart until you know someone will handle yours gently, and give theirs back. love yourself a whole lot, because i think if you do that first, you will have a healthier and better relationship, and find someone that will treat you the way you deserve. take control. control feels so good. my mom used to tell me the only person who's actions you can control are your own, and its true. so control your own actions. be bold. ask someone out, but dont care if they say no, because who cares. youre great, and you will eventually find someone who thinks so too. ask lots of people out. tell yourself you are the bomb. never, ever date someone that does not handle your love eggs with extreme care. please dont, because i did, and you are better than that. your love eggs deserve the best. wait for that, even when its hard. and then one day after pedaling around you will put your love eggs into someones crush basket, and they will start giving you their love eggs back, and it will feel good and right. and maybe one day you will end up in a nest together, playing speed scrabble, and so so happy you married someone named normal nicholas that treasures your love eggs a whole lot.

Mount Washington

Mount Washing is quite a site.  From the road looking up at the mountain is daunting.  At 6,288 ft, Mount Washington, is the highest summit in the Northeastern United States.  It has an erratic weather system holding the record of the highest recorded winds; as I reached the summit the clouds began to role in and the wind blew so hard I could barely keep my balance to take this picture below.  Summiting this mountain was important to me and I surely wanted to conquer it before I left New Hampshire.

The view below is of Tuckerman's Ravine...many folks were still hiking the Tuckerman's Ravine trail to get their ski on...

To get your read on and learn more about Mount Washington go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Washington_(New_Hampshire)

Paul Hawken's Commencement Address

Quite good and inspiring..

Paul Hawken's Commencement Speech to the University of Portland, Class of 2009:

When I was invited to give this speech, I was asked if I could give a simple short talk that was “direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean, shivering, startling, and graceful.” Boy, no pressure there.

But let’s begin with the startling part. Hey, Class of 2009: you are going to have to figure out what it means to be a human being on earth at a time when every living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating. Kind of a mind-boggling situation – but not one peer-reviewed paper published in the last thirty years can refute that statement.

Basically, the earth needs a new operating system, you are the programmers, and we need it within a few decades. This planet came with a set of operating instructions, but we seem to have misplaced them. Important rules like don’t poison the water, soil, or air, and don’t let the earth get overcrowded, and don’t touch the thermostat have been broken. Buckminster Fuller said that spaceship earth was so ingeniously designed that no one has a clue that we are on one, flying through the universe at a million miles per hour, with no need for seatbelts, lots of room in coach, and really good food – but all that is changing.

There is invisible writing on the back of the diploma you will receive, and in case you didn’t bring lemon juice to decode it, I can tell you what it says: YOU ARE BRILLIANT, AND THE EARTH IS HIRING. The earth couldn’t afford to send any recruiters or limos to your school. It sent you rain, sunsets, ripe cherries, night blooming jasmine, and that unbelievably cute person you are dating. Take the hint. And here’s the deal: Forget that this task of planet-saving is not possible in the time required. Don’t be put off by people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done, and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done. When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth and aren’t pessimistic, you don’t understand data. But if you meet the people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor, and you aren’t optimistic, you haven’t got a pulse. What I see everywhere in the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and beauty to this world. The poet Adrienne Rich wrote, “So much has been destroyed I have cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world.” There could be no better description. Humanity is coalescing. It is reconstituting the world, and the action is taking place in schoolrooms, farms, jungles, villages, campuses, companies, refuge camps, deserts, fisheries, and slums.

You join a multitude of caring people. No one knows how many groups and organizations are working on the most salient issues of our day: climate change, poverty, deforestation, peace, water, hunger, conservation, human rights, and more. This is the largest movement the world has ever seen. Rather than control, it seeks connection. Rather than dominance, it strives to disperse concentrations of power. Like Mercy Corps, it works behind the scenes and gets the job done. Large as it is, no one knows the true size of this movement. It provides hope, support, and meaning to billions of people in the world. Its clout resides in idea, not in force. It is made up of teachers, children, peasants, businesspeople, rappers, organic farmers, nuns, artists, government workers, fisherfolk, engineers, students, incorrigible writers, weeping Muslims, concerned mothers, poets, doctors without borders, grieving Christians, street musicians, the President of the United States of America, and as the writer David James Duncan would say, the Creator, the One who loves us all in such a huge way.

There is a rabbinical teaching that says if the world is ending and the Messiah arrives, first plant a tree, and then see if the story is true. Inspiration is not garnered from the litanies of what may befall us; it resides in humanity’s willingness to restore, redress, reform, rebuild, recover, reimagine, and reconsider. “One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice,” is Mary Oliver’s description of moving away from the profane toward a deep sense of connectedness to the living world. Millions of people are working on behalf of strangers, even if the evening news is usually about the death of strangers. This kindness of strangers has religious, even mythic origins, and very specific eighteenth-century roots. Abolitionists were the first people to create a national and global movement to defend the rights of those they did not know. Until that time, no group had filed a grievance except on behalf of itself. The founders of this movement were largely unknown – Granville Clark, Thomas Clarkson, Josiah Wedgwood – and their goal was ridiculous on the face of it: at that time three out of four people in the world were enslaved. Enslaving each other was what human beings had done for ages. And the abolitionist movement was greeted with incredulity. Conservative spokesmen ridiculed the abolitionists as liberals, progressives, do-gooders, meddlers, and activists. They were told they would ruin the economy and drive England into poverty. But for the first time in history a group of people organized themselves to help people they would never know, from whom they would never receive direct or indirect benefit.. And today tens of millions of people do this every day. It is called the world of non-profits, civil society, schools, social entrepreneurship, and non-governmental organizations, of companies who place social and environmental justice at the top of their strategic goals. The scope and scale of this effort is unparalleled in history.

The living world is not “out there” somewhere, but in your heart. What do we know about life? In the words of biologist Janine Benyus, life creates the conditions that are conducive to life. I can think of no better motto for a future economy. We have tens of thousands of abandoned homes without people and tens of thousands of abandoned people without homes. We have failed bankers advising failed regulators on how to save failed assets.

Think about this: we are the only species on this planet without full employment. Brilliant. We have an economy that tells us that it is cheaper to destroy earth in real time than to renew, restore, and sustain it. You can print money to bail out a bank but you can’t print life to bail out a planet. At present we are stealing the future, selling it in the present, and calling it gross domestic product. We can just as easily have an economy that is based on healing the future instead of stealing it. We can
either create assets for the future or take the assets of the future. One is called restoration and the other exploitation. And whenever we exploit the earth we exploit people and cause untold suffering. Working for the earth is not a way to get rich, it is a way to be rich.

The first living cell came into being nearly 40 million centuries ago, and its direct descendants are in all of our bloodstreams. Literally you are breathing molecules this very second that were inhaled by Moses, Mother Teresa, and Bono. We are vastly interconnected. Our fates are inseparable. We are here because the dream of every cell is to become two cells. In each of you are one quadrillion cells, 90 percent of which are not human cells. Your body is a community, and without those other microorganisms you would perish in hours. Each human cell has 400 billion molecules conducting millions of processes between trillions of atoms. The total cellular activity in one human body is staggering: one septillion actions at any one
moment, a one with twenty-four zeros after it. In a millisecond, our body has undergone ten times more processes than there are stars in the universe – exactly what Charles Darwin foretold when he said science would discover that each living creature was a “little universe, formed of a host of self-propagating organisms, inconceivably minute and as numerous as the stars of heaven.”

So I have two questions for you all: First, can you feel your body? Stop for a moment. Feel your body. One septillion activities going on simultaneously, and your body does this so well you are free to ignore it, and wonder instead when this speech will end. Second question: who is in charge of your body? Who is managing those molecules? Hopefully not a political party. Life is creating the conditions that are conducive to life inside you, just as in all of nature. What I want you to imagine is that collectively humanity is evincing a deep innate wisdom in coming together to heal the wounds and insults of the past. Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only came out once every thousand years. No one would sleep that night, of course. The world would become religious overnight. We would be ecstatic, delirious, made rapturous by the glory of God. Instead the stars come out every night, and we watch television.

This extraordinary time when we are globally aware of each other and the multiple dangers that threaten civilization has never happened, not in a thousand years, not in ten thousand years. Each of us is as complex and beautiful as all the stars in the universe. We have done great things and we have gone way off course in terms of honoring creation. You are graduating to the most amazing, challenging, stupefying challenge ever bequested to any generation. The generations before you failed. They didn’t stay up all night. They got distracted and lost sight of the fact that life is a miracle every moment of your existence. Nature beckons you to be on her side. You couldn’t ask for a better boss. The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer. Hopefulness only makes sense when it doesn’t make sense to be hopeful. This is your century. Take it and
run as if your life depends on it.

More Pictures!

pretty sun!
FUNGUS!
Below the Summit of Stairs Mountain
Ernie (my awesome co-worker) and I on the Summit of Mt. Chocorua!
Summit of Chocorua!

Long Time Comin

Well, its been forever since I wrote here on this blog. I will say that I feel quite guilty about this and so here I am again. Here to tell of all my recent adventures and to show pictures to those who care to read/look.

Life in New England has continued to challenge and surprise me. I've learned how to ski, explored many summits, brushed up my expedition skills and become a better teacher. My capacity to be patient, have empathy, compassion, and understanding has grown immensely. Actually, this experience has been a crash course in all aspects. Who knew that some troubled kiddos and a New England winter could make one grow so much as a person. Nonetheless the journey of life is long. While I've enjoyed my time in New England quite a bit I will be moving on to new adventures at the end of May. I considered continuing work at Summit, but my heart is leading me elsewhere.

Today, I have a phone interview with a man in Kenya. He is named Peter and is the in country Program Director for a non-profit called the Foundation for Sustainable Development. On a whim, a month ago I applied to be the Program Coordinator for FSD in Kenya. Really, this was a whim and I thought hey why not apply and see what happens. Well, now im interviewing with this man and the outgoing Program Coordinator named Angie in about an hour and half. My responsibilities will include coordinating, organizing and working with volunteers that come to Kenya through FSD. Its such an exciting opportunity!

That said, I can't decide if I am more nervous for the interview or more nervous about the fact that I may actually be given this position, which means I will be moving to Africa for a WHOLE YEAR. This move will likely take place at the beginning of June.

What complicates the situation further is that I also have another opportunity at my door step to work for a therapeutic wilderness program in Georgia called Second Nature. The work is similiar to what I am doing now at Summit Achievement, but its a full wilderness program where the kids live full time out in the woods. I am leaving on Thursday morning for a 7 day training session. Both opportunities have me very excited and feeling blessed to have so many amazing opportunities. Following my heart will really come into play in the next couple weeks.

So, I have another month to fulfill at Summit and I am looking forward to finishing out strong with this program. Summit has been a great learning experience and has helped me be a more open person. I am thankful to have been apart of such a supportive community as well.

This is my update and I will write again soon with an update about my decision!

Some Pictures

ice climbing
more iceclimbing
jami-my housemate...out on a snowshoe
rich another housemate-snowshoeing
mike and mik-two more guys i live with
the ice that wants to be climbed upon
                                                                                 
this is a quinzee-snow shelter that keeps you all toasty and warm.  this one fit four of us.

Recently, I have engaged in a variety of conversations with my housemates regarding self-reflection and our own journeys to living a peaceful existence.  By a peaceful existence, I mean finding a calm within oneself rather than seeking answers from others or satisfaction or happiness from external influences.  We all have the power to change our circumstances, to live healthier, breath deeper, to respect ourselves and to face challenging situations head on.  We have control over our own lives, our own choices, our own existence, but often I believe that people forget this.  

I, myself, forget.  Way more often than not.

As the fine fine man Plato once said, "be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." So to this I say dig deep within yourself, breath a little deeper and fight hard to make this life a peaceful one.

It ain't easy

It seems that I took a bit of a hiatus from writing.  While on shift, keeping everything straight is the priority so there is not much time for emailing or blogging let alone taking a moment for myself.  Work this past on shift went much more smoothly.  I came in last Tuesday with a clearer mind and a significant amount of well rested nights.  

Things about the job still bring me discomfort and I have yet to start having "fun" in the entire sense of the word with the kids.  This, I believe, is a result of the fact that all the outdoor work I have done in the past is easy going and the kids are much less demanding of my attention. 

Now, I do sound as if I am complaining, which in a sense I suppose I am, but I will explain. Participating in therapeutic practices with the students is fairly taxing and sucks a lot of mental energy from me especially because I am new and figuring out my approach.  Advice that has been passed down to me includes things like..."don't take things that the kids say personally," "don't become emotionally attached," and "the kids successes and failures have nothing to do with me." Well, my utter downfall and possibly a character flaw is that I absolutely take things personally and I do have the tendency to grow emotionally attached to people, situations, etc.  So, in many ways this job is going to help me to progress as a person and will allow me to control my emotions a bit.  Of course, its against my nature to not be emotionally attached at all or to not take things personally.  I just will never be that type of woman and frankly I don't really want to me.  I definitely am working on owning my emotional side and the fact that I am in touch with it.  

My work these past two shifts has been with the girls.  I find them difficult to work with and to navigate.  This may be a result of the fact that I have only worked two weeks, but I also find these young women to quite the challenge.  Of course, like everything else I am experiencing, working with them is a learning experience and a true chance for growth.  

Positives about my time at work so far include the solid and strong staff that I work with everyday.  These people are good natured, seasoned outdoor folks, with much guidance and support to offer each and everyday.  I am learning lots of skills...like knots!  Yay for knots (anybody with me?)  The facility that I live at with the kids is smack dab in the middle of nowhere Maine and I love it.  Its a location surrounded by the White Mountains and thousands of trees.

Ah, speaking of trees!  I have learned so many.  Ernie the 53 year old seasoned outdoorsman that I have been lucky enough to work with closely these past two weeks has begun to teach me all the different species of trees that exist in the White Mountains.  These include and are not limited to the Yellow Birch, Paper Birch, Beach Tree, Witch Hazel (this and the Beach are the only ones to keep their leaves in the winter), the Red Spruce, White Pine, Red Pine, Balsam Fur and the Eastern Hemlock.  Before learning these trees everything looked the same.  Now the forest is distinguishable and much more interesting to trudge through with a slow bunch of hikers.  So the another positive: I am becoming a naturalist.  

Ernie, the man who has been my co-leader in therapeutic crime, is also beyond skilled in the art of tracking.  By tracking I mean finding animal tracks in the snow and identifying them.  This man truly has the ability to distinguish and point out what animal said tracks belong to and when they were left behind.  It amazes me and the other day with the girls we followed some weasel tracks for three hours.  We thought maybe at the end of the tracks we would find something interesting...like a kill site...apparently there was a possibility that the weasel schooled a porcupine and ate it alive. Alas, after breaking trail for three hours in waist deep snow we called it quits.  I don't know if tracking is my thing, but it sure does provide some entertainment.

All the nature stuff aside, I hope most of all that I will begin to develop some solid relationships with the students that come through this program. I believe that it won't start completely happening until these kids phase out and I am no longer considered the "new guy."  I must be patient and realize that I was drawn here for a reason greater than my comprehension right now.  Its true...to me I have good faith in the fact that everything happens for a reason.  Going to Montana didn't sit right with me but Maine did so I will continue to discover and learn and grow and all those things.

Also, while I am developing as a person mentally, I will continue to tear up the mountain on some skis like its my job (the truth: I am just trying my very best not to eat a whole lot of shit).

Off-Shifting

I am in the midst of my first off-shift from work.  I do believe that each off-shift will result in 6 days of wonderfulness and I like it.  This off-shift started with a Tuesday night full of new friends Mr. Beam and martinis (all in moderation of course).  Rich, Jami, Mik and Mike...my housemates and co-workers...are nice folks with great perspectives and experiences to share.  In return, I feel that I have things to offer them as well.  Oddly enough, I am the youngest here by a few years.  Plus, they are all really funny...so lots of laughter all around. 

On Wednesday, we awoke early and hit the slops.  For me, this was a first time skiing experience. At Wildcat, which is the resort where we ski, they have a great deal for beginners.  I met with Jeff, a great ski instructor, for my first lesson and had a wonderful time.  Im definitely sold...so after this first pay check a big investment is about to happen.   Thank god for having no rent to pay!  Snowshoeing was the activity at hand yesterday.  Many trails and fun spots to explore surround my house...so we took to them and soaked in some of the crisp air and afternoon sun.  Later that night we played trivia...got second place!  Go us...

Tonight we are having a party at the house with all the folks we work with including the administration.  Should be a nice opportunity to talk to some of my co-workers.  Last week was not the ideal situation to get to know anyone...I surely did run around at 100 miles per hour all week.  That said, I can't say that excitement for the next on-shift is what I feel.  More like nervousness and the hope that I will enjoy myself a bit more than I did last week.

I'm glad to have spoken with most of my close friends and family these past few days.  Last night I found myself a bit down and felt sad that those who know me well are across the country.  Thank god for blogs, email and well those things called phones.  

Until next time...

Yep, its that Cold.

I started working a week ago tomorrow and I will be going off-shift again on Tuesday...THANK GOD. After 9 days of this wilderness therapy business I truly understand why I have 6 days off in between shifts. I have not sat down and rested until today, Sunday, 9pm EST. Yes, I have been running around, watching kids 24/7 and trying to keep my head afloat. Its difficult to learn everything and to try to keep track of these kids.

When I say that I watch these kids 24/7 I truly mean it. They are never to leave our site, every potential hazard or harmful substance, medications, etc. are on lock up. I have 15 keys that open many different doors and cabinets. Its nutzo really and unlike any other job I have had in the outdoor industry. I mean of course it makes sense...many of the kids have histories of harming themselves, depression, etc.

On top of it all, I as their guide am expected to take their shit in a calm and relaxed manner. For those of you who know me well, I am somewhat temperamental and don't always put up with a lot of crapola or demonstrate a ton of patience. SO this will be a test and a true learning experience. After 7 days of non-stop work and exhaustion, I even cried at work (fortunately it was just me having an overwhelmed moment).

All that said and the complaints aside, Maine is absolutely beautiful and my four days backpacking through the snowy mountains were absolutely wonderful. These kids know a ton about knots, navigation, cooking, putting up tarps, trees, tracking animals, etc. so my skills will surely grow.

In addition, I think this job is also going to make me a better person. I have been thinking a ton about the complicated minds of human beings and how our environments affect us immensely. Its interesting to observe and constantly work therapeutically with these kids. It forces me to question myself and the affect I have on those around me. Interesting stuff really.

In other news, this off-shift I am going to start skiing and maybe even take a crack at ice climbing. The folks in my house are super active which is great and will force me to get off my ass and stay off of it. I needed this sort of lifestyle change...Maine feels slower and calmer. The folks I live with are really nice and funny as well. Should be a great community to become apart of.

I do miss everyone at home though and I constantly think about how everyone is doing. You'll be hearing from me when I have some damn cell phone service in the next few days.

First Day

That proved to be the longest freaking first day of work everrrr. I am exhausted and this line of work will surely be a challenge. Things at this place run on a tight schedule and the kids are pretty much little hooligans 24/7. Wish me luck people.

Lots of the White Stuff

I woke up this morning, looked out the window and noticed that there was much more snow on the ground than yesterday.  Of course, I was overjoyed to see the snow falling and smiled a little to myself.  But, this also means its only getting colder and that I will remain inside for the day. Not having a car may or may not put a damper on things especially when trying to get from point A to point B in freezing temperatures.  My crazy roommate just went for an 8 mile run...its going to take some serious adjustment before I am able to gear myself up to run outside let alone walk a mile to the nearest cafe.  

All that said, I am looking forward to my first day of work tomorrow.  I am sure after 8 days of intense work I will be loving the relaxation and the option to just sit around in this lovely house.  At this point though I am ready to get out and about.  Apparently next weekend is supposed to be much colder than it is now.  My boss told me that its likely that we will be staying in cabins on the next expedition.  The prospect of staying inside rather than outside excites me especially since its going to be my first expedition.

The folks I live with have been great and have showed me a lot of what North Conway is all about.  Everyones interests differ.  Two are outdoor savvy and ice climb often and ski and much of their conversations revolve around these two activities.  The other roommate is a writer.  So, in his off time he writes, alot.  Apparently he is working on something now.  Another roommate...the one who is out right now running 8 miles in the snow...is seasoned in this line of work and it seems that she has traveled quite a bit.  There is still one guy I haven't met. Basically, I live, work, eat, sleep and do everything with these people.  Its always interesting walking into a situation where the bonds have been formed.  Definitely intimidating, even for me.  

Anyway, heres hoping the first week goes well!

Pictures

   

This is my casa...way too nice.

Classic long armed shot.

I hopped aboard a red eye jet blue flight last night after consuming one large ridiculously over priced beer.  Nonetheless, that trusty beverage plus the fact that I was flying in the middle of the night allowed me to sleep a bit on the plane waking only to drink a ginger ale and to consume some bad airline snack.  I arrived in Portland, Maine unscathed, but fairly exhausted.  Its not often that this person over here goes without a night of sleep.  After a few hours of waiting around and napping in the airport the boss man picked me up. I was fearful of passing out in the car or making a bad impression.  Of course neither of those things happened and the 2 hr drive proved informative and allowed me to realize that this is where I belong for the next five months of my life.  

My home is in North Conway, New Hampshire and is oh so beautiful (eventually I will take some pictures and post them up here).  I live backed up against a forest and there is snow on the ground everywhere.  Last night with one of my co-workers, I made my first snow angel in the backyard.  Traveling and spending really anytime in the snow at all was never my parents thing.  As a result, I am like a little kid when I see the stuff and just want to run and play in it all day long.  Anyway, my room in the house is fairly big and definitely comfortable.  I will hang pictures of all your pretty faces soon because I miss you already!

North Conway has one two lane high way and a small downtown with some coffee shops and some pubs and many consignment stores.  Apparently the town is so safe that we never lock our door and I don't even have keys to the house.  The co-workers on my shift are wonderful and welcomed me with open arms.  Last night we went out to pizza and then had drinks at a small bar in town that was playing music.  Talk about a fun first night.  

I talked a lot to my peers about my role here and the challenges of the job.  I know that I am in for some difficult work with the kiddos that live at the recovery center, but I hope to play a positive role in their lives.  I start work on Monday and continue until Tuesday.  I am out in the field next weekend, which is exciting in every way.  EXCEPT its 11 degrees outside right now and its only getting colder.  Woooo!  Crash course in snow camping.  Can't you picture me freezing my ass off?  Hopefully its not as bad as I am envisioning...

Okay, after sleeping in until almost noon I think its time to get my toosh out of bed.  Miss you all.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

So, in less than 24 hours I will be boarding a red eye Jet Blue flight headed to Maine. Everyone pray for good weather and a safe and quick flight.  Flying is an old practice that I will just never get used to...the cramped leg space, my inability to sleep, bad food, did I mention my inability to sleep?  Ever since I was a kid I could sleep anywhere...mouth wide open, drooling...in cars, classes, etc.  you name it, but to sleep on planes...truly a challenge. 

But enough of the digression...the point is I am moving to Maine.  Well, I will actually be residing in North Conway, New Hampshire, but my job is based 30 or so minutes away in Stow, Maine. The job: working with teenagers 13-19 years old at a wilderness therapy center as an outdoor field instructor amongst other things.  My schedule is 8 days on 6 days off.  This wonderful little set up will allow me to explore the east coast, learn to fly fish when the ice thaws, ski, etc...

I surely don't know what to expect and I have some fears of freezing to death while camping in the snowy mountains...this California girl may or may not be prepared for the type of weather that exists in Maine, but time will tell.  I am excited to embark on such a journey and see it as a chance to start a bit fresh.

Be sure to keep in touch with me...ill be missing you all like its my job.  Oh, Bay Area and all that you are...I will be back shortly.